As I was about to pay for my ticket, you came from over my shoulder. “I’ll pay for hers, please, can you find us two seats together?” How had you known I would be there, did it have to do with the nature of the show, about the heart?
“We need 3 seats together, please,” I said as your fingers found mine. The sensation being like the first time you touched me; where were we? I wonder sometimes, if this were all fated before. Before we were born, or at what finite point was it decided, what was the spark. “My son is coming from school,” Did you know that, too? It’s like you knew everything about me from the very beginning. Of course you didn’t know that, because we have spoken so few words, but we have shared words. Emotions speak through different parts of us. I saw my father age more, in a few months, than I knew possible in all my years of life to that point; In his new gray, but more around his eyes, I saw how the sadness suffocated his heart. And I saw something of it in your eyes, a connection to our physical history; But better than that, I saw something that I long to touch with my words and I want to feel your words with all of my parts.
“Maybe we could join the Global New Age group,” I said jokingly as I looked up the information on their film about the power of the heart, “but I’ll only go if you agree to make love to me in the middle of their circle, wearing only that silly scarf.” What do you suppose they do at their meetings? I smiled blushingly into his eyes with a smirk. Though it would be interesting to see how all these people interact, and I really am interested in the idea of the heart and soul.
It goes back to Lucretius, really, it sounds so corny, what an earth-loving old-hippy mama I am sometimes. But more often I just want to feel the honest love of my good man. I want to feel you in the sand between my toes, smell your seaweed and taste your skin after a day on the beach. I want you to tickle the bottom of my foot, as it floats above my head reaching your hand along the wall in the public of yoga class. Just kiss my neck as I remove your thick, puffy-warm jacket, touching your shoulders, and thinking about later in the evening; but maybe before you cook me dinner, too.
“What kind of wine shall I open?” Maybe I am in the mood for something sparkling, something to give me those good chills down my spine. Or something red, and warming to the soul. The heart is the only thing we can trust, it is the most forceful, impactful element in our lives, Maya said. If the heart is so powerful, why is it so easily broken? I think that was your voice. “It took almost dying for me to make that journey from my head to my heart.” Said one of the writers in the film. For me it was a combination of things that may kill any person; the shootings, a precancerous polyp, losing a job, realizing I wanted my marriage to be over, my kids, the thought of starting over in so many ways. I realized how much I need you, one who is not bound by the limits of time and space, the source of my intuition.